i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
