I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
