She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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