I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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