Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
