You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
