I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
