I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
