we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
