Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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