Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
