the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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