I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
