i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
