apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
