Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
