I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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