Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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