can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
