He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize