I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
