It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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