I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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