the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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