my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
