I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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