The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
