I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
