Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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