I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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