Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
