Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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