'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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