was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize