i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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