I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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