I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
