do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
