Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
