This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize