chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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