As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
