worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
