But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
