Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
