After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
