After last night, I could never be a politician.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Bring me that man meat
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize