She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
