i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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