i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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