I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
