Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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