The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize