Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
