who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
pop tarts are not kleenex
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
