All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
