We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
