I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we made out on top of his cat.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
