Apparently you make a good broom.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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