Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
zippers are such a cool invention
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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