Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
