No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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