I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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