She said her name was "party"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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