between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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