Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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