The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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