I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
