i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
